Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
