Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize