I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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