he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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