It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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