I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
