my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
