my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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