This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
