Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
