if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
