Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
