If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
