you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
