If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
