This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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