we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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