I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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