I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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