i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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