I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
