After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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