I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
