Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
