I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
