You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
