just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
