it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
