i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
