Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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