Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
