The maid of honor just puked.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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