I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
