Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
