We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
