We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
