I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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