there's paper in my vomit.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is Oprah even human
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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