I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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