Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
