Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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