She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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