What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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