If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
