Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
