someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
