Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
