i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
