The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
