Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
