Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
