Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
