im six kinds of drunk right now
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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