Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
