when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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