if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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