He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
